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January 5th, 2018



I've been asked recently to give a list of skills I'm good at in part of the consideration of an assistantship, and the realization that I'm horrible at bragging about myself is apparent. Not that I had any problems bragging about myself before college. It's the whole "you don't know how much you don't know" thing. Ignorance is such a confidence booster.

Going to graduate school, I'm struggling to find the balance between humility and confidence. Going in, I know I have almost no answers in my field but have to portray that I have the answers at least well enough to get an assistantship. The balancing act is definitely not among my strengths, especially since I am clumsy as they come. Surely, I could figure it out.

I remember the first year of college as a long painful year, not strictly other's fault (albeit, they didn't help) but rather my own. Coming in from the middle of nowhere and thinking I had all the answers really made me out to be a little bit of a conceited idiot. To be fair, I was. My self-esteem was high, I was confident, and I had my knees swept out from under me. Truly, I have not recovered since.

With graduate school, I sincerely realize I'm a bit of an idiot still, but I hope that coming into it with this in the foreground I can avoid appearing as an idiot. As my favorite Bible verse goes "Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues."

So I guess I'll keep silent for a while.

Song of the Day: Norah Jones - Back to Manhattan

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